The following films suck so bad they don't even get a few review to themselves.
These are mostly just my thoughts.
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull
Because you know Harrison Ford is so amazing he can survive a nuclear blast in a fucking refrigerator. Not to Mention Shia LeBeouf is in it, oh JOY. (Seriously will someone put that kid's head on a stick already? It's like, when I can't hate a movie enough, they say "Oh I know how to make this movie more annoying, lets hire that stupid prick from Even Stevens!!")
Wanted
Yeah, because bullets can so do that.
Proof that you put that woman in ANY movie people will fucking watch it. Example: Life or Something Like It, and Mr. & Mrs. Smith (fucking stupid movie.)
Hellboy II - The Golden Army
It's like a bad porn. A slow build up to a weak cum shot. You wait and wait for this Golden Army, which takes centuries to get to, and then when they get to it, it isn't even badass. It's fucking lame.
Cloverfield
I have to admit, I loved this movie at first, the beginning was a bit slow, but I can see why they did it. So I'm watching it, and liking it a lot, then, they get in the helicopter, and the monster attacks it and i think "SHIT YEAH AWESOME ENDING!" Then I realize, it's not the ending.
They survive the crash............ because THAT'S possible... and then for the rest of the film I feel like I'm being punched in slow motion.
I say, watch the movie, but after the helicopter scene, just turn it off.
The Happening
And I thought Signs was bad. Are you fucking kidding me? Wind that makes you commit suicide? At one point they are running... from the wind. Wind isn't scary M. Night.
At least I got a good lol.
The Strangers
Had potenial. When it got to the end, I got really annoyed, at least be a little enthusiatic when you kill them. They seemed bored. I'm sorry, but if I were them, and watching Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman be all mushy and crap, I'd start stabbing like crazy. Laughing the whole time. I'd just want to shut them up and play with their blood.
The Eye, Mirrors, Quarentine and any other foreign film remake.
Just stop.
Special shout out to The Uninvited for 2009, I fucking hate you. I haven't seen it, and I doubt I'll bother seeing it as it's a remake of one of my favorite Korean films, A Tale of Two Sisters. You're on the "Suck It" list regardless if I have watched you or not. You're an Asian remake, of course you'll suck. I've only seen a preview of the film and I can already tell that they've completely fucked up the storyline... and... Elizabeth Banks.... SERIOUSLY? How is anyone supposed to take this film seriously when most people will remember her pleasuring herself with a shower head in the 40 Year Old Virgin.
A full review coming soon, if you don't like it... get the fuck over it, I have a life.
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3 comments:
Oh God, thank you for mentioning Wanted. Its like every reject's daydream: you have no talent, no life, no real discernible intelligence, but its ok...your life is about to become much better because you're secretly ____ (fill in the blank). If I wanted a Loser-Finds-Redemption story, I'd watch The Matrix.
Pfffft Signs WAS good though. It was some of those other M. Night films that sucked.
And I agree with you on The Uninvited. I mean, Elizabeth Banks? This is the bubbly girl from the Biore commercials in the 90s, who went on to be JD's goofy baby mama and yes, that masturbating chick in 40 Year Old Virgin (a role she wasn't all that good for, either. Sex kitten Elizabeth is not) Just looking at the commercials is painful, because she can't even manage to bring REAL malice into her voice. Can't stand it! My stuffed cashmere bunny rabbit could do a better job.
Signs was bad. Here is why:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=signs
and yeah Elizabeth Banks does not look scary at all in that film. The only thing good in it is that chick from Lemony Snickets, she was adorable. but boo on her being in that movie.
I LOVED Wanted! I also love Angelina Jolie, but that's besides the point. She's so sexy! (I am a teenage boy iinside, yes.)
Mr. & Mrs. Smith I loved too.... its somewhat fun (albiet completely unrealistic) to think that your monotonous housewife duties are broken up by being a killer assassin who poses as a dominatrix. Mayeb its just me, but there are times when I've wanted to both f#ck & run my gf over at some point.
I agree with the rest, however. Good luck with the new site!
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